The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
