We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
