I heard we made out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
