i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
