i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I haven't been this sober since birth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
