cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
