Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
