So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
