Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
