he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
