Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
