Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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