She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
