I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
