I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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