I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
