Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
