Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
