I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
