my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
