Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
