just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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