I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Randomize
