remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A+ Viking dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
