absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
