I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
