do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
