my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
