You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i have herpe
just one?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
