if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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