I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
