U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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