I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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