I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
