her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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