you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
