just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
