Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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