New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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