Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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