He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
