these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
