So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
