gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
