Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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