i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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