Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
