I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wanna go halves on a baby?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
