Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
