Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
