So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I need to align my fucking chakras
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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