I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
